


Lost War

by dia_kags



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Experimental Style, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, OiKage Angst, Oikawa Tooru is Bad at Feelings, POV Second Person, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29904243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dia_kags/pseuds/dia_kags
Summary: Oikawa Tooru has always waited for the perfect chance, but things might be already out of his hands.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, Minor Kageyama Tobio/Miya Atsumu - Relationship
Comments: 16
Kudos: 72





	Lost War

It’s a beautiful day. A day when you can wear a light jacket and go out to feel the pleasant weather. It’s also the first day of your last year at Kitagawa Daiichi. It holds quite the significance, because today you will get to meet the new members of your volleyball club. Excited, you knock on your childhood friend’s front door, and of course get scolded for being so early. It’s back to the routine, the same old life that you missed badly, but with the anticipation of new beginnings. You walk the familiar path with your best friend, breathing the freshness in the air, feeling the cherry blossom petals falling on your face, discussing what kind of new kids you hope there to be. It certainly is a beautiful day. 

Your eyes are instantly drawn to a raven-haired boy, his blue eyes pulling you in like a magnet. When he introduces himself with pink dusting his cheeks and a cute smile adorning his lips, you forget about everything else going on around you. The coach’s answer, the loud noises of chatter outside the gym, your team welcoming the first years, the screeching sound of the wheels of volleyball carts against the floor; everything fades. You feel your heart skip a beat, the caterpillars that were lying dormant in your stomach, taking their first flight as butterflies. Just when you thought life couldn’t get any better, your day turns even brighter. You smile widely and greet the boy, who looks at you with stars in his eyes. You wonder, perhaps you have the similar stars being reflected in yours. 

That feeling of wonder soon turns into the feeling of dread. You have worked so hard for everything, but you realize you are no match for the young prodigy. As days pass, you are equally awestruck and scared by his sheer talent. How can something that has taken you a long time to achieve come so easily to him? The butterflies get their wings chopped off and they fall to the ground, crying in despair, and you do nothing to help them. You make up your mind to work even harder, what you might lack in talent, you can always substitute with your unwavering will power. It isn’t exactly easy for you though, what with the bane of your existence constantly following you around like a lost puppy. Your insecurities that had just begun digging the ground, bring out boring machines for deeper foundation. Does he not have enough? Why does he want to learn how to serve from you? But you always find a reason to avoid teaching him, the ugly feeling has made you a petty person, but what’s yours is yours and you wouldn’t share. 

Like the sponge he is, he takes it anyway. You can see him learning just by watching you; the light in his eyes is not diminishing by your cold behaviour, nor is his insistence of learning from you. He still follows you, and if possible has become even more persistent. You finally give him vague advice, which you have followed like a mantra: “If you’re gonna hit it, hit it till it breaks!” Not without calling him baka and denying him first though. He just responds by tilting his head to the side, and giving you a confused pout. It’s so adorable that for a second, you feel like shielding him from the entire world, but you wouldn’t let a measly thought like that shake the walls of your absolute fortitude. Your best friend, who apparently has a soft spot for the boy in front of you, chides you for harassing him. _‘Iwa-chan, it’s him harassing me!’_ You want to whine, but instead leave for home. Tomorrow is going to be another grueling day. 

“He can play any position, but he is a budding setter.” You hear your coach declare proudly, and it momentarily makes you speechless. You have always been good at communicating, expressing your thoughts just right, and you are well aware of your ability to get the best out of anybody in the team. Despite having many weapons in your arsenal, you still feel that you are at the losing end here. It turns true when you feel his palm hit yours, and with your head hung low, you go on the sidelines. There can be only one king in any kingdom, as tears prick your eyes, you feel threatened that the walls of your castle may come down any moment. 

It’s the same as always. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t defeat the monster named Ushijima Wakatoshi. Your dreams are haunted by his constant presence, and your waking thoughts are occupied by solving the mystery of how to beat his brute strength. You forget about everything and focus all your energy in training hard. You have to find a way to overcome this crippling anxiety, and the physical pain that comes with the constant practice and determination, is just an added bonus. Lost in your own nightmare, you don’t notice the person in front of you is Kageyama Tobio, not the one who always looks down on you. Your eyes widen with anger as you lunge at him with every intention of destroying him. It’s only thanks to your best friend, you come back to your senses. You thank every possible god in the world for him being present at the right time, because deep down it’s difficult for you to see those blue eyes filled with fear. 

“Even if our opponent is some genius first year, or Ushiwaka, the team with better six is stronger, you dumbass!” Iwaizumi screams in your face, and a laugh escapes your mouth. Of course, it takes your childhood friend to make you see the truth. And after what you almost did today, you realize the beating Iwa-chan gives you is well deserved. You change your mindset and get back to building a strong team, which should have been the case from the beginning. With your mind clear, and your goal set, you enjoy the rest of the year like it is a walk in a park. Soon, it is the day of your graduation. The Dark Blue and White turn into Turquoise Blue and White, and you march forward with your best friend, trying to forget all about a certain blue-eyed boy. 

“Oikawa-San, Can you teach me how to do a jump serve?” It’s your second year at Aoba Johsai, and a freshman stands in front of you when you are talking to Iwa-chan. The boy beside you snorts, and you are suddenly reminded of another kouhai, the one you promised to defeat with crying eyes, whenever you faced him again. The eyes are not blue though, and they don’t hold the familiar stars in them. You give him a smile and agree to teach him, obviously having learnt your lesson. Six better are six stronger. But, your heart aches with the thought of not having something anymore that once was so easily available. 

You are there to watch the lost match along with Iwa-chan. It shouldn’t bring you happiness, but it somehow does, when you look down at the boy covering his head with a towel. His shoulders are slumped, and his stance is defeated. He has been abandoned by his team, and you feel a certain level of triumph. He may be a genius, but he doesn’t have what you do. He can be a good individual player, but teamwork certainly eludes him. You are not interested in his history, you don’t want to know how he has reached this point where that once innocent boy has become The King of the Court. You are only interested in the path ahead of you, and the way things are going, the journey certainly seems a lot easier. 

You had hoped when Tobio-chan joined your team, he would come here completely tamed, but your hopes are crushed when you check this year’s roster. All of the Kitagawa Daiichi players are here except one. In a way, it makes sense to you why the genius setter didn’t come to your school, but still it was your dream to show him how much better you’re than him. All is not lost though, you think. If he is at another school, then it only gives you a chance to fulfill your promise of defeating him sooner. Although, you had wished you would defeat him fair and square, and not as a shell of person he has now become. 

You find out his whereabouts with the help of your childhood friend. Your fallen angel has teamed up with fallen champions, the flightless crows. It is oddly fitting, even though surprising to you, since you thought he would be clad in purple. Nonetheless, you request your coach to have a practice match against Karasuno on the condition of having Kageyama Tobio be the setter for the entire game. Luck has never been on your side when it comes to Tobio; you sprain your ankle just two days before the scheduled match. You join in late, feeling immense satisfaction, when you observe your kouhai’s eyes wandering around, looking for you. Waving at your fangirls, you can’t stop the cruelty from seeping into your sweet tone. “Yoohoo Tobio-Chan, long time no see. You have grown. Still doing the king thing?” 

You get his glare as a response, and he becomes busy with explaining your relationship to his team, which is just fine. Your eyes meet when you look back, and you hope that he understands the silent message of how much you missed him. You put that thought aside and enter the court with the goal of crushing the crows with your serves, but Tobio-chan has a new partner, and the once lonesome king has found his general. Your eyes widen as the ball speeds past you, leaving you in a complete shock. That Chibi-chan who called you The Great King, has complete trust in Tobio-chan, and it has brought out the best in him. You should have known that he would not take any defeat lying down, and you are once again reminded how much of a prodigy Tobio is, when he tosses with extreme precision. 

But what irks you the most is how well he is fitting in with his new team. It is only then you realize that Tobio was supposed to be part of your family, even though you were not present to stop when he was cast aside, you should have still made efforts to get him back. He is looking at his senpais the way he used to look at you. Well, not completely, but still it is clear how much he adores them. Your need to claim is certain, and you stand in front of the winning team. “Make sure you are at The Inter-High. I want to crush my uselessly adorable kouhai in a regular game, fair and square, as a setter.” You point at him, after challenging his team. Satisfied that you are still standing in front of him as an obstacle, you leave them and join your team. “Our misguided genius has found an outlet for his talent.” You tell Iwa-Chan, because you are thrilled at the aspect of facing him again. 

_‘You might be able to defeat me someday, Tobio. But it’s not going to be today.’_ You stayed up till late night watching Karasuno’s match against Date Tech, and found out all about how he communicates with his partner. You might not be a genius, but you know Tobio can’t help but fall back in the trap of speed. He knows you well too, still the victory is yours to claim the first time. You find it troublesome that he has learnt to trust, but that’s a problem you will deal with later. It is your advice to him that has brought you the defeat you are facing in your second match. You shouldn’t have, but you helped him anyway when he begged you to help with a conflict. It was you who stopped him from going back to his kingly ways, not without making fun of him though. “It’s one win and one loss. Don’t get too cocky.” You tell him as a challenge, trying desperately to hide the pain. 

You should have known it is never easy. Just when you are leaving, you are faced with your mortal enemy. You wish that he would stop with his useless boasting, and telling you about how you should have gone to Shiratorizawa. What does he even understand about your team? He warns you not to choose the wrong path again, and your sanity is about to snap, but at the same time you are relieved that he is Tobio’s problem for now. “My volleyball career is not over. Don’t you ever forget my worthless pride.” You declare. “If you keep all your attention on me, you are going to get stabbed from the direction you least expect.” You warn him in return. _‘I leave it in your capable hands, Tobio.’_ “My kouhai isn’t smart, and is nowhere close to my level yet, but now he is not by himself, he is strong.” It feels good to finally let it out, and despite what you keep on telling people, Tobio was and will always be your kouhai. You would declare it to anyone who underestimates him. 

You would still keep that little luxury of annoying Iwa-chan when you say “He is not my kouhai!!”, because he already knows whether you accept it or not. The results are out, and in some way you feel that Tobio has avenged you. The feelings of pride and frustration are battling inside you, and just for this once, you let your pride take over. When you look at your kouhai basking in another victory, you want to go down and tell him, _‘You should have stayed with us and come to Seijoh, my darling Tobio.’_ But unlike a certain left handed demon, you keep your thoughts to yourself. Instead, you push Iwa-Chan to leave, declaring that you would rather die than watch the award ceremony, getting colorful nicknames in return. 

One genius was not enough, there are two of them now. You are sitting on a bench in your favorite park, watching Tobio play against Inarizaki. It’s easy to notice for anyone who has good eyes, and you certainly do, that both the setters on the court are enjoying themselves immensely. You don’t miss how they communicate with each other silently, but more importantly what bugs you is how they are pushing each other to do their best without any animosity. Your Tobio-chan is constantly improving, if the last toss he sent to No. 5 is not the sign of it, then you don’t know what is. Frustrated, you rip off your ear phones and start running. You don’t know how far you would go, but with two geniuses being present in the same place, you know one thing for sure that there is no place for you here. 

With many tears shed, and many goodbyes told, you finally leave for the unknown place, following your mentor of years. You might have left alone, but you carry the feelings of nostalgia and valuable friendships you have built over the years with you. Some relationships are for life and you come to know that when your friends constantly stay in touch with you despite the time difference and distance. There is an opportunity for you here to have your talent blossom and bring you to the level of the genius you left behind in your home country. 

_‘Is this real life?’_ You are surprised to see your kouhai’s best friend facing you one night when you are out for dinner with your team. You had not expected to meet him all the way in Brazil, but you enjoy his company regardless. You wanna know about a certain someone, but hold your tongue. “Do you watch Kageyama’s matches?” Shoyo-chan asks you, and your programmed response is to deny it. Something tells you, he doesn’t believe you, but you will carry that secret of yours to your grave. Shoyo sends a selfie with you to everyone he knows, you look happy in it. You have enjoyed the sunshine’s company and he has reminded you of home. You wonder about what Tobio is thinking looking at it, unaware that he has snatched your other rival’s sleeve to share it with him. 

You hate it passionately when you see Tobio-chan play with Ushiwaka. It is no surprise they are in V-leagues, but you didn’t expect them to end up in the same team. You hate it even more how they don’t need words to talk to each other. For the hundredth time, you wonder why the curse has fallen on you to always notice such subtle things! First it was Iwa-chan sending you a selfie with that bastard, and now it is Tobio-chan who is being all friendly with him. Tobio looks happy, happier than he did in high school. The years have done wonder on him, though you have only seen him on screens for sometime, you wonder how he looks in person, all grown up. 

You have never cared for their gender, only their looks. “Tooru…” the person under you calls out your name as you thrust in her. How you wish it was somebody else calling out your name the same way, but you at least have blue eyes looking up at you from behind the curtain of raven locks. Your type has always remained the same, and it has been much easier to find similar looking people here in Argentina. You pull at those silky strands as you let go with one last push. _‘Tobio…’_ the name almost leaves your lips, but you settle for biting her shoulder instead. 

It’s another beautiful day. You are happy to be back home. You enter the arena amongst the loud cheers of people, spotting many of your old teammates wearing sky blue to support you, and it brings a huge smile to your face. Across the net you see all the familiar faces, including your best friend’s, and you don’t feel threatened at all. Today, once and for all, you plan to settle the score. “This is going to be an extravagant family quarrel.” You declare to your team. Your eyes once again find the pair of blue, and there is a smile shared between you and him. It’s like you are 14 years old and he is 12 years old again. He looks good, better than you expected. Your heart hammers against your ribcage, as you realize for the first time, you both are on equal ground. There is no need to fear anything. 

At least, that’s what you thought. You have defeated all the people you swore to defeat, your heart completely unburned. You look to the other side after celebrating with your team, and you just want to go under the net and kiss those wobbly lips which are trembling and wipe away any tears that might fall from those beautiful sapphire eyes. Blue has always been your color, no matter where you go, you know it in your heart that you will always have blue. Just as you take a step, your most favorite blue gets hidden by a man with blond hair. You stop in your tracks, and watch as the other genius setter hugs your Tobio-chan easily, kissing his lips like it’s second nature to him. It was supposed to be your day, but the thunder has been stolen from you. You are already too late. 

You have lived with this familiar ache for more than a decade, and have gotten used to the itching just like how you have lived with your knee hurting from time to time. But, you never thought that getting your heart broken into a million pieces would be this silent, this painful. You turn away from the embracing couple, hiding your tears. You have won the battle, but lost the war. Iwa-chan is by your side in an instant, putting his hand on your shoulder for support, but you don’t feel anything other than crippling numbness. Why couldn’t you have fallen in love with your friend? Life would have been much easier that way. 

You are Oikawa Tooru. You do things the hard way. As you leave with Iwa-Chan, you don’t notice the pair of blue looking at your back with longing and sadness. After all, you were never a genius.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Thank you for reading!


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